On Being Gay
It is an interesting aspect of the human psyche that those who are the least secure in their lives are the ones most unaccepting of others' lives. They demand conformity from everyone around them. Their preaching and exhortations aren't so much to bring light to others as it is to convince themselves they are better than they believe in their hearts they are. This is especially true where homosexuality is concerned.
If you want a good measure of how comfortable someone is with their sexuality watch for comments like: "I'm gay but that is my sexual preference not my personality." I understand the sentiment. A friend of mine, who I met shorty after he came out, brought his teenage son to meet several of us. Afterward, my friend asked his son how he felt about it. "Well, they're just a bunch of normal guys," was the confused reply. Apparently he had been expecting everyone to be "Just Jack!" It's a rather frustrating perception. Hello! Will is gay, too!
Still, I don't think anyone is doing themselves any favors by trying to put distance between themselves and other gay men who live their lives differently. We are not asking to be accepted for who we are anymore. We are caving in to pressure, trying in some way to conform, to be a part of mainstream society. We end up perpetrating on each other the same discrimination which each of us faces from those hostile to homosexuals, discrimination that is still acceptable in this country. Folks, we are never going to be mainstream society. Even 30 years from now when my children are running the country and nobody cares if you are gay or not anymore, we will always be a minority.
"I don't like fags. They squirm when they chance breaking a nail. (There are gays & fags. One of them [fags] makes us look bad.)" Look bad? Look bad to whom and why do you care? I occasionally hear rants about Pride parades and how they demean gay life and make us look unsavory to our adversaries. For starters, Pride is a party, plain and simple. No one looks at Mardi Gras and assumes that is how heterosexuals live their lives. Would our effort to obtain equal marriage rights be easier if Pride parades were tame and less hedonistic? Probably. Is sacrificing our individuality and conformity a price worth paying to obtain them? Absolutely not.
Being gay is what you make of it. Admitting that you are gay doesn't define you as anything different from who you are. You are not obligated to don a tutu. I am no more or less gay than the drag queen on stage. I am no more or less gay than the flaming homo up the street. I am no more or less gay than the leather daddies at Club 161. None of those is my lifestyle. That doesn't make me a better person. Just different. How many people even know what the rainbow flag stands for? It is a celebration of diversity. Almost always we are looking outward, asking the world to accept us and our divergence from "the norm." Perhaps it wouldn't hurt us to spend some time looking inward as well.