Hiding in the Backwaters Just one more blog on the net.

F.Y.I.

Brian has noted my relative silence about D in my blog. "I'm in there more than he is," he pointed out. True enough. At this point I must confess that it is largely due to an irrational and superstitious fear of jinxing things. So, here we go. (Where's my rabbit's foot?)

D has been in Mexico the last five days visiting his family. He comes home tonight and I am having a hard time thinking about anything else today. Today is more about watching time go by until I can see him again than anything else. I don't remember ever having missed someone like this.

D often gives me a hard time about playing hard to get at first. Not that it was intentional. I am generally opposed to playing games like that. In fact, I hate it and I am embarrased and a little ashamed that I did it to him.

One evening, after a couple of months of hanging out with D, I was drinking margaritias and talking with a good friend of mine, T. It was mostly idle converstaion, discussing love and relationships in general, but something clicked and I began to realize what had been happening. I had been telling myself that I my feelings about D were ambvialent at best, and I didn't want things to get serious with him under those circumstances. What dawned on me as I sat and talked with T, was my ambivalent feelings were not about D specifically, but about being in a relationship again, period. That was when I decided I was being stupid and stopped "playing hard to get" and took the risk.

Some time after D and I started really dating, I stumbled onto a song by Deborah Cox that summed the situation up pretty well. I know. Deborah Cox. Gay man. Cliche.

At least it's not Cher.

I've spent all my life
On a search to find
The love who'll stay for eternity
That heaven sent to fulfill my needs
But when I turned around
Again love has knocked me down
My heart got broken
Oh it hurt so bad
I'm sad to say love wins again
So I place my heart under lock and key
To take some time and take care of me
But I turn around and you're standing here

How did you get here
Nobody's supposed to be here
I've tried that love thing for the last time
My heart says no, no
Nobody's supposed to be here
But you came along and changed my mind

It's been an amazing and wonderful four and a half months, D. Here's to many more to come.

P.S. Lest you get the wrong idea, I love Cher.