Getting my dander up.
Classes started this week. My first class was on the dynamics of addiction. The first half is taught from a therapeutic point of view by the director of Odyssey House, one of the largest substance abuse treatment facilities in the state. The second half is taught from a medical point of view by a pharmacist. So far it sounds like it's going to be a good class.
The instructor warned us that he believed it was part of his role to challenge us and make us think. He said we were not obligated to agree we him. He just asked that we consider his words. He got right down to business by asking for our theories that explain why Utah is the number one abuser of prescription drugs in the U.S. The ensuing conversation wasn't nearly as interesting to me as my own reactions to the conversation.
Perhaps it is more accurately said it was my reactions to the state of mind I perceived one of the ladies up front to be in that have occasioned much reflection. She seemed very tense. I sit and imagine what is going through her mind and end up all worked up about how defensive members of the church can get. I can understand how they would feel under siege, but sometimes the denial astounds me. It's not the teachings of the church or the culture that has built up around that belief system that contributes to Utah's status as the #1 consumer of anti-depressants and the #1 abuser of prescription drugs. It is merely weakness of the individuals in question. The message cannot be flawed. Some members of the church will try and claim that the teachings of the church have been misrepresented. Folks, I grew up in the church. I was 33 years old before I left the church. I am well aware of what is taught. Whether or not an individual personally subscribes to all that is said in Sunday School is another matter entirely.
Still, it bothers me that it gets to me like it does. On the one hand I can sympathize with their plight. I understand what it's like to have folk generalize and criticize a group to which one belongs. On the other hand I have endured such generalizations at the hands of members of the church often enough that I have a hard time working up a lot of sympathy.
Don't get me wrong. I have as many positive stories about members of the the church as I do negative ones. There are three very LDS ladies in my program that I absolutely adore. It doesn't really bother me too much when folk talk about their personal relationship with the church and its teachings; not even when that relationship dictates they behave in a way that I find reprehensible. On the other hand, when folk try and defend an institution by which I feel so personally slighted it really gets under my skin. I wish it didn't, but I still haven't figured out what to do with all the frustration I feel that ends up aimed at the Mormon church one way or another.