Yes, I’m a dreamer
I just spent four days in Atlanta at the International Gay and Lesbian Aquatics (IGLA) championships. There are no shortage of good looking men from all over the world at these meets. Opportunities for a quick fling also abound. Unfortunately—or maybe fortunately, depending on your point of view—I'm just not into that sort of thing.
I have climbed the highest mountain
I have sailed across the sea
I have wrestled with my demons and woke up with only me
I have been around the block three times, maybe four
And I think I deserve just a little bit moreIn front of total strangers won't you kiss me
Flowers for no reason but you miss me
Oh, I want to be in loveYou're standing on the door step in the rain
Cause you couldn't wait to see me once again.
Oh, I want to be in love.Melissa Etheridge, "I Want To Be In Love," Skin
nth burned…
This crab has a pretty hard shell. Developing one has been necessary to protect the tender inside. Still, there are days I question my ability to survive my heart breaking one more time. Always I've managed to put my heart back together. Each time, however, it seems to take longer and require more effort. Sometimes, I wonder if next time I'll be able to pull it off, and the thought of giving my heart away again scares me to death.
Muscle and sinew
Velvet and stone
This vessel is haunted
It creaks and moans
My bones call you to
In this sacred skin
Make myself translucent
To let you inI am wanting
I am needing you here
Inside the absense of fear"The Absence of Fear," Jewel
Amen, Brother!
I don't want to be lonely no more
I don't want to have to pay for this
I don't want to know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list
I don't want to be angry no more
I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me
Know for sure
I don't want to be lonely no more
Rob Thomas, "lonely no more," Someone To Be
Apoplexy
If one more person asks me, "How come you're single? You're so cute," I think I am going to have to kill them and may God have mercy on my soul.
What a stupid [multiple expletives deleted] question. I don't even know how to answer that anymore.
"Just unlucky I guess."
"It takes two to tango."
"Because the world is full of dumb asses like you who think all it takes to make a relationship work is a pretty face and a six pack."
Awwww…
If you don't know Chris and Michael, they are boy's briefs and nochd respectively. If you don't know them, then you also don't know that they are two guys in love who afford the world a peek at their romance in their blogs. Check it out.
Thanks, guys.
You gotta love country music.
OK. You don't. Not really. I'm actually not a huge fan, but I do have a small country streak in me and it's great fun to dance to. (Would someone in Salt Lake please put together a gay country bar where you can actually dance?) Anyway...oft times the lyrics to a good country song are so ridiculous they're perfect. Here's a bit from my latest favorite:
I hear he's out there somewhere
Been looking for him everywhere
From Roswell to Timbuktu
I thought I found him once at Jiffy Lube
But it turned into a dead end
So I got my oil changed and I tried again
He was a major in archaeology
I was diggin' on him
But he wasn't on me
A girl trying to find herself the perfect man
Is like trying to find AtlantisIt's a mystery
Like the deep blue sea
You can take it
You can leave it
But I still believe
So I won't give up
And I won't give in
I know I'm gonna find him
I just don't know when
A girl trying to find herself the perfect man
Is like trying to find AtlantisJamie O'Neal, "Trying To Find Atlantis"
Someday
I'm strong I'm sure
I'm in control
A man with a plan
Believing that life
Is a neat little package
I hold in my hand
I've got it together
They call me the guy
Who knows just what to say and do
Still I stumble and fall
Run into the wall
'Cause when it comes to youI'm just another fella in love
A kid out of school
A fire out of control
Just another fool
You touch me and I'm weak
I'm a feather in the wind
And I can't wait
To feel you touching me again
With you I'm just another fella
Just another fella in loveSo pardon me if I should stare
And tremble like a child
That wanting me look
All over your face
Is driving me wild
I'm just what you make me
Can't wait till you take me
And set all my feelings free
I know that you can
So come be my man
Tonight I want to beJust another fella in love
A kid out of school
A fire out of control
Just another fool
You touch me and I'm weak
I'm a feather in the wind
And I can't wait
To feel you touching me again
With you I'm just another fella
Just another fella in loveApologies to Patti Ryan and Wanda Mallett"Just Another Woman in Love" performed by Anne Murray
And So It Goes
In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds of lovers past
Until a new one comes alongI spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defenseAnd every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon, I supposeBut if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to breakBilly Joel, "And So It Goes,"
Ouch.
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and you have to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
Heart breaking
My partner of 24 years suddenly died of heart problems about two months ago. He was only 51 and had no symptoms. My problem is that I'm lost without him. He is on my mind constantly. We had several mutual friends and I have been spending some time with them, but even they remind me of him. I am active in neighborhood activities, but the fun I enjoyed doing them is clouded. What can you suggest to help me get past this? I know I will always have my memories of him.
Lost
First, I'm so sorry for your loss, Lost. You have all my sympathy.
As for your problem, to be frank, Lost, what you're going through right now, while extremely painful, is not something I would think of as a problem that can -- or should -- be quickly solved. What you're feeling is perfectly normal and understandable. It's only been two months since your partner of 24 years died unexpectedly; I would be worried about you if you were "past this" already. At this stage, he should be on your mind constantly, and your enjoyment of activities you used to enjoy are understandably clouded by feelings of loss.
So the best way to get past this, in my opinion, is to embrace everything you're feeling. Let yourself feel the loss. If you can afford to, take a trip, go someplace you went together. Step out of your normal routines and let yourself grieve. You can't rush through those feelings; you've got to live through them. Don't cut yourself off from human contact -- get out there, even if you feel like your enjoyment of your usual activities is clouded, for the moment, by the pain you feel. In time, the clouds will lift.