What to do.
The time is fast approaching when I'll need to decide what to do with the rest of my life. Graduation is less than two months away. You'd think I'd be chomping at the bit to get out there and wield my shiny, new masters degree, but I'm not. I can't really even tell you why.
It's not that I don't enjoy what I'm doing right now, school wise, that is. My practicum this year has been great. I really enjoy the people I work with and the environment they create to work in. It's not really that I'm struggling with the work. I've enjoyed working with the clients at the agency. I've got a lot of positive feedback from co-workers. If everyone is to be believed, I'm actually kinda good at it. Obviously, being a therapist can be draining. I have one client who consistently blows me away with horror stories from her childhood, and there are mornings I wish I could play hooky. Usually, though, once I get there I'm fine.
Is it about the money? Or rather the lack thereof? Maybe. A little. Still after three years of squeaking by on part-time income, almost any full-time income will be a welcome improvement. I'm not really sure that's it, though.
Part of it is going back to the proverbial "9 to 5." (Does anyone really only work 9 to 5 any more?) I've kept up the web development stuff to pay the bills. The $8/hr I get at my internship doesn't even cover child support. I recently decided to rent some office space, because honestly folks, working from home sucks. It's not about distractions as much as it is about it sucking the life out of you. I'm someone who has to get away from work. If I work at home, I can't. Ever...and motivation and focus go right down the toilet. But I digress.
The point is I'm actually enjoying having my own office space. The difference is night and day. Even though I'm putting in full to long days right now, I'm still making my own decisions. I get in when I want to get in and not because I am required to be somewhere at some given time. I leave when I want. No one is dictating to me how I should work (can you say "managed care?"). Even after graduation, I'm still two years of full-time work (4000 hours) away from anything close to that kind of freedom in the mental health world and I will always have some damn bureaucrat, whether government or corporate, looking over my shoulder telling me how I should be doing my job. I do know some therapists who only take cash. How many years after starting my own practice before I have that luxury?
There's also the little piece about flexibility and freedom. Even if I never actually take advantage of it, knowing that I can pack up my laptop and work from just about anywhere the mood strikes me—Starbucks, Barnes and Noble, the Bahamas—feels very nice. It wouldn't be nearly as easy to pack up clients. Do I really want to be tied to a practice?
There are just too many questions I don't have the answer to yet. Another part of the dilemma is there are several folk who will be disappointed if I bail on the therapist gig. I've never been good at disappointing people.
I just opened the fortune cookie I got with my lunch. "Your present plans are going to succeed if you stick to them."
What plans??!
Multiple levels of WTF?
A 9-year old has plead down a premeditated murder charge to negligent homicide in Arizona. A 9-year old. Apparently the kid shot and killed his father and a man renting a room in the home. No one really knows why. I haven't been able to find any talk of a history of violent behavior. There was some talk of abuse. The kid claimed he was keeping tally of spankings and had vowed his 1000th would be his last. However, the statement is inadmissible because a parent or guardian was not present when he made it. There is also the little problem that the tally sheet he claims to have kept cannot be found. It is complicated even more by the fact that none of the townspeople are buying it. Which doesn't mean it didn't happen, but how are you going to prove it in a court of law if there is no physical evidence, no record of complaints and no history of behavioral issues?
No motive has ever been cited, which seems a bit odd to me if you're charging the kid with premeditated murder. But it was this comment, over at the Salt Lake Tribune that just takes the cake.
This story has been stinking to the rafters since I first heard about it. So we are never going to find out if the dad and his pal were a gay couple or prone to child molestation or abuse? Wrap it all up in a tidy plea bargain and save the reputation of the deceased and his family? I say foul! We should have the truth. Even kids don't shoot people for no reason. This little boy executed his dad and the dad's friend with very little emotion apparently. This usually means they had it coming somehow.
What does the sexuality of his father have to do with anything? Gay people are no more likely to be molesters or abusive than the population at large, superstitions to the contrary notwithstanding. This kind of nonsense is as irritating as it is painful. I have two daughters. When it became apparent that a son was not in the cards for me, I was a little disappointed. I think most men would be. You know how I used to console myself? By telling myself that God was protecting my potential sons from me...
But I digress. What if they were a gay couple? Is he trying to say that would be sufficient cause for them to "have it coming?" What if the kid felt it was his God given duty to "kill faggots?" Whose reputation is on the line then? That of a sick little town that managed to teach an 8-year old he has a license to kill?
Oh, and as for "the truth?" Honestly buddy, it's none of your damn business.
Speechless
It's a good thing these photos comparing and contrasting Bush and Obama on women's rights do all the talking, because after viewing them I can't think of one damn thing to say.
Ruminations of a drunken homo
I've finally sat down and watched Four Weddings and a Funeral. You know what? I really liked it. OK, granted. I'm gay. Chick flicks are not exactly foreign territory. And I must admit the whiskey probably has had some influence on my thinking...or at least what passes for thinking when one has consumed as much whiskey as I have...
Apart from being a sappy love story, what I really liked about it was the gay couple. I suppose the best word for it was poignant. I don't know that D and I will ever get married. For my part: Been there. Done that. D, I think, has marriage bound up with all things religious, which tends to give him the heebie jeebies. Honestly, I cannot blame him.
Spoiler Alert (Surely I'm not the last person to see this movie...)
Nevertheless, married or not, the gay couple in Four Weddings and a Funeral was nice to see. An adorable May to November couple, the funeral was both touching in the expression of love that was given by the surviving partner as is was poignant (do you know how hard it is to spell that word when drunk?)—not only in the fact that they were careful never to appear a couple in public, but also when the surviving husband was introduced as "Gareth's closest friend" and not even in the course of the funeral proper, but as a preface thereto.
How sad is that? OK, the movie is still 20th Century. And over ten years ago, that was probably an extremely progressive move (even if it was "over there" in liberal, god-forsaken Europe). Still, even now in 21st Century America, homosexuality is still "the love that is only just beginning to dare speak its name." There are states where heterosexuals do not even have to make a formal declaration of their love. Spend enough time together and it's a done deal. On the other hand, out of 50 states, only two allow two men to claim the title of husband, as if love and devotion were the purview of human institutions.
Still, married or not, I love D. I know that one should never say never, but at this point in my life I cannot imagine myself ever loving anyone as much as I love my cute Mexican. And you know what? Government sanctioned or not, that should be good enough.
How racism works
From Greg Prince's Blog:
What if John McCain were a former president of the Harvard Law Review?`
What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?What if McCain were still married to the first woman he said ‘I do’ to?What if Obama were the candidate who left his first wife after she no longer measured up to his standards?What if Michelle Obama were a wife who not only became addicted to pain killers, but acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?What if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard?What if Obama were a member of the Keating-5?What if McCain were a charismatic, eloquent speaker?If these questions were seriously confronted, do you really believe the election numbers would be anywhere near as close as they are? This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.
Educational Background:
Obama:
Columbia University - B.A. Political Science with a Specialization in International Relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum LaudeBiden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank: 894 of 899Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in JournalismNow, which team are you going to hire ?
PS: and what if Barack Obama had an unwed, pregnant teenage daughter...
Something to think about.
I was rummaging through backups this afternoon and stumbled onto this little tid bit. If you enjoy Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and have not read Terry Pratchett, you need to start now. If you think you might enjoy a sort of Forgotten Realms meets Benny Hill (65% geek, remember?), give them a shot. This is a tid bit from Hogfather, a conversation between Death and his granddaughter.
Thank you. Now...tell me..."
WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU HADN'T SAVED HIM?
"Yes! The sun would have risen just the same, yes?"
NO.
"Oh come on! You can't expect me to believe *that*. It's an astronomical *fact*."
THE SUN WOULD NOT HAVE RISEN.
She turned on him. "It's been a long night, Grandfather! I'm tired and I need a bath! I don't need silliness!"
THE SUN WOULD NOT HAVE RISEN.
"Really? Then would would have happened, pray?"
A MERE BALL OF GAS WOULD HAVE ILLUMINATED THE WORLD.
They walked in silence for a moment. "Ah," said Susan dully. "Trickery with words. I would have thought you'd have been more literal-minded than that."
I AM NOTHING IF NOT LITERAL-MINDED. TRICKERY WITH WORDS IS WHERE *HUMANS* LIVE.
"All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need...*fantasies* to make life bearable?"
REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.
"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little--"
YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE *LITTLE* LIES.
"So we can believe the big ones."
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
Federal Marketing Programs
I spent 8 painful hours at my new practicum site today going through employee training. Among the endless information stream I was forced privileged to read, was DRA training. What, you might, ask is DRA training? Well, it's the act of Congress that gave Medicaid broader powers and greater funding to ferret out fraud. Fine. Whatever. I'm sure fraud exists. It's probably a good idea investigate and prosecute those defrauding the federal government taxpayers of their money. Though I must say that every time I get tangled in insurance red tape that is supposedly saving me money, I have to wonder how much money is being spent to sustain the bureaucratic system.
But what I found most interesting is what DRA stands for. It's the Deficit Reduction Act (of 2005). That has a much better ring that The Trimming Medicaid and Student Loan Subsidies Act doesn't it? Oddly enough, those were the only items on the table. Apparently the government isn't wasteful anywhere else. (co*ir*u*aq*gh) It's interesting that the White House fact sheet on the DRA doesn't mention boosting the budget for ensuring compliance and honesty. It makes no mention of how much fraud they believe exists. No mention of how much they anticipate recovering. I hope it's a lot. The budget for auditing heath care providers is 75 million. I guess the old axiom applies here: You've got to spend money to make money.
Wherein I say the word “ass” as often as possible.
You know how it's all the rage for kids to have their pants half way down their ass so you can see their underwear? Well, today the kid pouring my latte had his pants hanging off his ass except...no underwear. His ass was totally hanging out of his pants. Not that I'm complaining, really. I can think of more than one person I'd like to see make that particular fashion statement. I was just caught a bit off guard.
It makes you wonder what everyone else in the coffee shop was thinking. I didn't notice any obvious reactions: bugged out eyes, hanging jaws, whispering behind hands, etc. Not that the self-righteous crowd in this state is going to be in a coffee shop in the first place.
This local roaster has a penchant for hiring ... non-traditional ... employees. They have a dozen shops around the valley and more often than not the employees are pierced and tattooed and otherwise thumbing their nose at social convention, but I wonder how the boss would react to the whole bare ass thing. Also, would that count as indecent exposure? We're not locking up plumbers, so I'm not really sure.
I must confess I was almost giggling as I thought of those law makers who had palpitations when boxers first appeared on the scene and felt compelled to introduce legislation to prohibit such moral turpitude. Can you imagine the apoplexy when they spotted this kid with his ass out there for all to see?
Oh, did I mention I was at the one shop down in Utah County?
What is it we really know?
I've been reading Rewriting the Soul: Multiple personality and the sciences of memory. It was recommended to me by one of my professors. I picked it up more for the "sciences of memory" part than the "multiple personality" part. I confess I am a skeptic of multiple personalities (officially Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID now). It's been a very interesting read. His commentary on how we acquire knowledge in the social sciences was particularly intriguing.
[Binet's] measures of "intelligence" had to agree, generally, with preexisting judgments and then be adapted at the margins. Had he declared that many children who could not cope with French elementary education were intelligent, he would have been mocked. Had he said that the better students at the lycées where stupid, he would have been reviled. ... Binet's great innovation, the testing of intelligence, made sense only against a background of shared judgments about intelligence, and it had to agree with them by and large, and also to explain when it disagreed. Who shared the judgments? Those who matter, namely the educators, other civil servants, and Binet's peers in the middle classes of society.
...One result of calibration is that prior judgments became both sharpened and objectified. What were once discrimination made by suitably educated or trained individuals were turned into impartial, distant, nonsubjective measures of intelligence. Intelligence became and object, independent of any human opinions (my emphasis).
Now, I was aware that IQ tests are under fire for being culturally (white, middle class) biased, but it wasn't until I read those words that I understood the why and wherefore.
Many sociologists of science, and a few philosophers, have recently welcomed the idea that scientific knowledge is a social construction. They contend that science does not discover facts, but constructs them (Hacking, 1995).
Makes you stop and think doesn't it?
Yippee!
Tired of feeling fat and out of shape, I've been making a concerted effort at getting to the gym on a regular basis. I started swimming a few weeks ago—at the gym, a full hour workout w/ QUAC would kill me right now—and today I was able to finish a length of butterfly w/o feeling like I was dying. OK, so it's a long way to go until I'm back to doing a 50m fly in just under 32 seconds, but it's progress and a milestone I feel pretty good about. Yea, me!
No, that's not me, but I did take the picture. It's a good friend kicking ass at the IGLA championships in Ft. Lauderdale a few years ago. He took home several medals. I don't remember if one of them was for fly or not. As a matter of fact, a sizable contingent of QUACers is in D.C. right now at this year's IGLA championships. Really wish I was there, but between the whole chubby-out-of-shape thing and the too-damn-much-on-the-credit-card-as-it-is thing, I stayed home this year.