I haven't heard this song in a while, but it came up on my playlist today. Mulan was released in 1998. My wife and I had agreed we would separate just before Thanksgiving 1998. We waited for the holidays to pass, and I moved out January 5, 1999. Needless to say 1998 was a rough year. I remember being floored by this song the first time I saw the movie. Even now hearing it again brings back all those feelings of inadequacy and seeing no way for things to ever change.
It may even have been this song that started my long slide to leaving the church and coming out. It articulated how I was feeling so perfectly. It almost felt like someone was trying to tell me something. If that song started it, this one cinched it.
(Try and get past the awful music video. I'm making a serious point here.) Footloose was originally released in 1984. Being completely clueless, I hadn't figured out I was gay at the time, even though I totally related to that song and felt that yearning for a prince charming come to rescue me. I did say I was completely clueless.
Fast forward to 1999. For the 15 year anniversary of Footloose's release, the soundtrack was remastered and released. Having always had an emotional connection to that soundtrack, I bought the CD. I got it home, popped it into my computer and gave it a listen. Bonnie Tyler's song came on and I suddenly felt like I had been put into a time machine and transported back to 1984. It was like I was 17 again. Nothing about how I felt about that song had changed. I knew then that if nothing in the intervening 15 years had done anything to alter the way that song made me feel, nothing ever would.
I'm currently involved with a project that is building on top of the WordPress platform. I've been doing a lot of tinkering and testing, and rather than try and come up with copy for test posts, I just head over to Duck Island and grab some of that gibberish text (called greeking text). One of the fun things about Duck Island is it has more than just Latin as an option. In addition to Latin, there is Marketing, Matrix, Metropolitan, Pseudogerman, and my favorite, Hillbilly.
So today I was tinkering with a plugin to add Google ads to the side bar of the blog. Here's what I got.
And no, I didn't Photoshop it.
Got a phone call this morning by which I learned a co-worker from my time at the adolescent day-treament program has died. He had lots of health issues, but from what little I know it doesn't sound like that's what got him in the end. Right now, it sounds like he decided to check out early.
Interesting, isn't it, how many euphemisms we have for death: "passed away", "passed on", "in a better place", "no longer with us." Maybe it's because "is dead" sounds so blunt, so heartless, so final. Then there's suicide. I don't understand how suicide got to be a moral issue. I mean, religion is largely about control right? Keep the elite in power. Create the illusion of eternal rewards for the masses if they endure "their lot in life" now. So far, I just can't see the angle on suicide. Maybe it was simply that life was hard and mortality around every corner a few centuries ago. Death was common enough without people going there on purpose.
I don't know which upsets me more: that he is gone or that he was hurting that much. Hindsight is 20/20 and there are things that he did that now seem like they should have been a red flag. But then as a therapist, you have to be careful about where you focus that attention. Ethical issues of therapizing friends, family and co-workers aside, you'd go bonkers if you didn't. Maybe that wasn't it at all. Maybe he was just tired of dealing with all his medical issues. I don't think anyone really knows, or if they do it hasn't come back to me.
The jury's still out on whether he's in a better place or not. One thing is for sure, whatever pain he was in he's not anymore. Rest in peace, J.
So a few weeks ago I posted a nice little graphic that I thought had a nice empowering message with just a bit of f-u to it.
Imagine my chagrin when this song came on the radio this morning in the car and I realized this is where that line comes from, especially since I really like P!nk and that's hardly the first time I've heard the song...
I'm sure many of you are thinking, "Well, duh, Sean." I know. I'm a little slow sometimes.
Since this song just came up on my playlist, let's just make it a musical f-bomb day.
I've never seen the official music video before. I like this one better (even though the whole song isn't there.)
Heard this sound bite on the radio today and then found it over at Think Progress (quite easily I might add).
Not asking for Pharaoh to give everything to everybody and to take care of folks because at the end of the day, it’s slavery. We become slaves to government.
OMG. Really? What kind of mental contortionist act does it take to see ancient Egypt as a welfare state? That's Texas governor Rick Perry, now another clown in the circus that is the Republican nomination process. Well, soon to be anyway. You can see the video clip over at Think Progress.
How do you even address such phenomenal, unrepentant stupidity? And you know people will vote for him just because he's a "good Christian." That is if being a good Christian is bankrupting your state in the name of God. "Take what you can. Give nothing back," was certainly one of Christ's best lines. Wait maybe I'm getting him confused with someone else. No wait, being a good Christian means invoking God to defend your behavior at least three times a day. Or was it an hour? I mean, really. "By their fruits ye shall know them" is so passé.
You know, when I was a kid "taking the name of the Lord in vain" pretty much meant swearing. It's been some time now that I don't think God gives a rats ass if his name is a swear word. I mean, really? He's that insecure? If I were God, I'd be a lot more upset by whackadoodles like Perry who use my name to con people by telling them he's in my good graces, when really I think he's a first class asshat. But that's just me, I guess. I obviously lack insight into the mind of God on the matter.
Interesting isn't it, when science can't explain the origin of the universe or the true nature of matter, it's a sign of the Hand of God. Proof that the Creator exists and has knowledge and designs that are beyond the feeble comprehension of man. But when science can't explain the origins of homosexuality, there's no Hand of God. There are no designs beyond the comprehension of men. It's just sin.
“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.”
I needed to get some files from a client today and the easiest way for him was to give me his GoToMyPC login info so I could copy the folder off his desktop. He happened to be on his computer at the time listening to Michael Savage. It's the only time in my life I have ever listened to Savage other than sound bites on news shows. I know enough about Savage to know I would find his political views generally despicable, and yet—on this particular occasion—I found myself thinking, "I think he's right."
He was making the same case I've made before, namely: The Republicans threw the 2008 presidential election because they knew their profligate spending would come home to roost during an economy on life support and they didn't want to have to catch that particular hot potato. He also posited that Republican "puppet masters" made sure it was McCain and not Romney because they were afraid Romney could win by accident. He basically said they knew McCain would screw it up because of terminal foot–in–mouth disease and of all the options available as a running mate, Palin was chosen to "cinch the deal."
I think he's right. I just hope their current strategy of fiddling while Rome burns backfires on them. They're counting on the economy staying sluggish and unemployment high to win in 2012. [Insert your higher power here] help us if it works. You can be damn sure it will be right back to "trickle down economics" if they do. And it will be a sad commentary on the collective intelligence of the American people.
Ask any outsider who has spent any time around my family about my family and one of the first things they will tell you about is our propensity for quoting movies. It's pathological. We can't help it. For some reason, random quotes from movies will stick in our brain like nothing else. Kudos if you can tell me what movie that quote is from.
So the other day I was reading this post over at MoHo Hawaii about the oppressive qualities of patriarchies. I left my $.02 in the comments and closed with this: "It's this kind of stuff that makes me sick I was ever a part of it."
That sentence left me wondering how much of my anger is covering up shame I feel about my time as member of the LDS Church. I spent most of my time in church leadership and was spared the bishopric bullet only because my wife worked on Sundays which left me responsible for the children. I like to believe I was more open minded than most, but I think it had more to do with an unwillingness to be casting stones. I know that I was judgmental—particularly where sexual indiscretion was concerned. Yes, yes. I understand the psychology of all that mess, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel like a first class ass if I think about it too much.
I don't know if it's shame around feeling duped and suckered, shame about having participated in an organization whose teachings I find abhorrent now, shame that my response to the cognitive dissonance that started while I was on my mission was to redouble my efforts to ignore such "unworthy" thoughts and find the "right" path. Probably all of the above.
I wonder, too, if this doesn't have something to do with my ambivalence about sending my resignation letter. Maybe that ambivalence is an unwillingness to admit to myself that all that time and effort—in the end—only made things worse. Maybe it's because I haven't found any meaning to fill the gaping hole that would be left by a complete repudiation of the first 30+ years of my life.
<sigh> Maybe one of these days I'll finally sort all of this out.